Thursday, November 7, 2013

This Time Last Year

Tonight I was going through old phone photos.
And I hit on the folder that had the hundreds that I had taken when I was pregnant 
with Jasper.
Looking back now, I realize that that time with Griffin was incredibly precious
and will never be again. 
As I've been writing about, in September of last year we moved our family into a little apartment.
In October I had lost my job.
We had one working car, no money, I was pregnant 
and most of the time I was sick.
We pulled Griffin out of his preschool because we couldn't afford it.
So, he and I became inseparable. 
Together 24 hours a day.

The Fall and Winter months were intense at times.
No car to go anywhere.
No safe neighborhood to walk in.
Frigid weather.
It made for very long days inside.

But the two of us became something different for a time.
This kid is normally go go go.
But for those difficult months, he stopped.
He went to every doctor's appointment with me.
Heard Jasper's every heartbeat that was monitored.
On the days we did have a car, we only went to the store for food or to my mother's for laundry.
My body couldn't take much more than that.

Most days were spent on the couch or in bed.
We talked.
We laughed.
We watched dozens of movies with our once a week library haul.

He would constantly have a hand on me.
He was very serious during this time.
As though he felt he needed to protect me.
It was a quiet time.
Not too many fights.
Not too many "MOM! I'm booooored!".
It just was.
Mind you, not every single second was like this. 
There were demands to go outside and play or go to the Zoo or Science Center or ANYTHING
that was out of the apartment. 
Some days I was able to swing something.
And there was always his once a week playdate with his good friend.
But most days were just quiet.
Sometimes now he asks for that time back.
He asks if Daddy and Jasper could go somewhere so he and I could snuggle
in bed and watch a movie on my computer. 
My heart swells so much with these requests. 
Because I know he doesn't resent that time that felt so lacking in fun and play and joyfulness.
It actually meant something to him.
That closeness.
That bond that got stronger.
I hope to always remember that time.

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