Responsibility

I love this blog. 

So much. 

And I've really tried to blog in the last few months. 

I've gone to my computer,

sat down...

and

nothin'.

On January 1st, 2012 my health

my diet

my body

my outlook

my whole life

changed forever.

So, it has been hard to come and sit  here 

and pretend to keep doing what I was doing.

OR

Go in the direction I wanted this blog to go.

I had plans. 

Lots of crafts.

Lots of cupcakes, recipes, sweets.

Lots of mommy stories.

Giveaways.

With a little of my photography business thrown in.

But.

BUT.

Ugh. 

I am no longer that person.

I wish I was.

But I'm not. 

So who HAVE I become?

How have things changed?

Here's the deal.

As you probably know, if you read this post,

Matt and I rang in the new year in the ER with an emergency gallbladder removal.

And as you probably know, if you read this post,

in June of 2011 I was diagnosed with Cutaneous Lupus.

Roll that all together along with sprinklings of 

an ear drum protrusion,

severe headaches and backaches,

atrophied thyroid,

inflamed intestines,

flopped uterus,

swollen liver,

severe exhaustion ,

and hair loss....

and you've got one mess of a woman.

Something had to change. 

STAT.

I had felt badly for so long.

And I've got to admit that money was an issue. 

The not knowing what was wrong with me.

The whole story.

We had no idea what we were in for, financially.

But it got to the point where I just couldn't live with all that was wrong with me a moment longer. 

In January, after my surgery, a fabulous doctor was referred to me so I called.

He was 6 months out.

Crap.

But his office assistant wanted a list of my symptoms.

I told her (at that time all I knew about was the gallbladder, the Lupus, and that I just felt like crap all the time) and we hung up.

In less than 5 minutes she called me back.

I was able to see him the very next week. 

So, my doctor.

I tell everyone that I see a Holistic Healer. 

But that's not really the case. 

Holistic Healer and Natural Healer is something that people can grasp onto.

But he is actually a Bedouin Healer.

Please don't freak out. Click off this post. Or judge me. 

I come from a long line of Medical Doctors on both sides of my family.

But this has always been my path. 

Before I knew what a Bedouin Healer was I knew that I wanted a doctor

who used vitamins, supplements, and food to heal.

And that's exactly what he does.

After seeing him in January, I've thrown myself and everything I've got 

into following his direction.

Plus going a little further on my own.

And I tell you.

I haven't felt this good in over a decade. 

I fully understand that this will take years to set straight

and a lifetime to maintain 

but I do know that I am getting better. 

I still have good days and bad days but on the whole...

BETTER.

So, that is how I've changed. 

Food has become the dominant force in my life.

And working out.

And healing.

My biggest fear has been that I have become 

or will become unrelateable to most of you. 

Or that some of you might judge me when I post a recipe for something sweet.

I still love to bake for others. 

But sweets have become just a dream for me. 

And I'm okay with that. 

 But over the last few days, my fears have been replaced with something else. 

At first, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. 

Many of my Instagram friends and Facebook friends have wanted to know my 

"secret". 

Many want to know how I've lost so much weight.

Many want to know how I possibly can stick to a "diet".

Many want to know more about Lupus.

Then it hit me. 

My fears have been replaced with 

responsibility.

A responsibility to talk freely about Lupus.

A responsibility to talk about food and how it does a body good.

A responsibility to lift others up as many have lifted me up. 

But the biggest responsibility?

To post about these things and a smatter of other topics 

without sounding preachy.

Without sounding judgemental.

Without sounding Holier Than Thou. 

You know.

I accept this responsibility. Whole heartedly. And eagerly!

Please know that I will be posting about MY personal experiences, symptoms, and lifestyle.

This is not an "across the board" thing. 

There are MILLIONS of paths out there. 

We all need to choose one. 

Even the healthiest of us.

I may report statistics.

I may report findings.

But I will NEVER claim that MY way is the only way. 

Please know that now. 

And please know that, although my blog will be taking a different route, 

there will still be other things on here that make me happy.

That drive me.

Baking

Crafting

Lots of pictures of my main little man, Griffin

A little Cassie Allen Photography

A little photography in general

A little thrifting

and COMING SOON

(!!)

decorating.

That's right. 

We sold our house. 

We will be moving (hopefully, if we can find a great house for a great rental price) in July.

So there you have it. 

I feel like I've written this post before. 

But that's okay.

I need to get this out.

In order.

I hope, after reading this post, you will stay for awhile.

And leave some love! I do love getting comments from you guys.

And you can ask me anything. 

Click on "contact" to email me or just leave a question in the comments. 

You can follow me on Instagram @lifethroughthislens,

on Facebook,

or Pinterest (although I need to clean up my food boards to distinguish 

what foods I used to make, what I'd make for others, and what I make now for myself

and my family). 

Good night, dear friends.

It's a new day tomorrow. 

Let's go grab it!