Super Pancakes!

Just a quick and aaaaaamazing recipe to share with you today.
Protein Pancakes! 

I tried this recipe from a fellow IGer, Rosie.

It is now my go-to pancake recipe. 

Here's what you'll need:

1C oats

6 egg whites

3 scoops vanilla protein powder (I use Whey)

1 banana

Dash cinnamon

Dash pure vanilla extract

Blend in your blender until there are no lumps and it's nice and smooth. Not gritty.

Ladle out onto your griddle like regular pancakes!

I am horrid at pancakes. 

Seriously.

CanNOT do them. 

But these?

Perfect. every. time. 

And YUMMY! 

They taste like banana and cinnamon. 

I drizzle a little honey on mine and I'm good to go.

(I'm going to blend fresh raspberries in with the mixture next time!)

This recipe is clean and power packed with good stuff to fuel your body!

Now go make some of your own!

Dear Griffin

Dear Griffin,

You are four now. 

A big boy.

I find myself saying,

far too often,

"You can do this on your own. You are four now."

when you request something.

Like I've been waiting and waiting for you to be this person.

And suddenly expect you to know that you are this person now.

I need to work on that.

You have always had a playful yet old soul.

You are still a deep feeler. 

You know when I am sad or sick and you are quick to protect and comfort me.

I love you for that. 

When times like that happen, I see who you will be to your future partner. 

And it makes me so proud.

You like to act like a baby sometimes but when the chips are down, 

you man up big time. 

You are in full LEGO mode now. 

You will gravitate towards anything LEGO.
Toys, books, movies, kits, clothes. Anything.

And Hot Wheels.

Oh the Hot Wheels. 

You still sleep with your Mr. Frog but no longer need him to go with you to 

Miss Colleen's house. 

You tell the very best stories. 

While you are telling a story, you look around the room and start to incorporate 

anything you see into your story.
I can imagine you being an amazing story teller to your children one day.

You are eating so well these days! 

Your favorite food is still pizza but you will eat fruit and milk and other foods I ask you to try

as long as there is a treat to follow.

I love taking you places now.

You listen to me and Daddy so well.

You stay by our side and happily tell us stories about when you were a baby.

You never EVER throw tantrums in public.

Big high five for that one, bud.

You love cutting paper and mixing colors. 

You are always asking us how to spell words these days.

You still love to blow bubbles and chase after them.

You have become so awesome at riding your bike!

We ride to the playground several times a week.

Although the 5 minute trip there usually takes 30 since you get sidetracked telling us 

stories and you have to screech your bike to a halt on the good parts of your stories.

 Your curls have been cut off for awhile now.

I miss those curls but you don't have baby hair anymore.

Your hair is course and wiry, like your PaPa's hair.

You are a bit addicted to your Gameboy.

Watching you play things like that at such a young age....

figuring it out all on your own...

(because God forbid anyone help you, you stubborn little rascal, you)

astounds me.

Every morning you wake up and ask if you can stay at home with me.

It breaks my heart to tell you no most days.

But the days that we get to spend together are so awesome.

You love to help me bake and I get an awesome test of patience on my end. 

You don't laugh at yourself too often when you make a mistake.
You get embarrassed, like me.

I hope to break you of that habit.

My favorite time of the day is right after your bath at night.

You smell so clean and sweet.

Daddy and I wrap you up in your towel like a burrito and hold you.

You love for me to read you books and for Daddy to tell you Noccio stories. 

You ask if you can see Sissy and Nana every single day.

Every time we pass a Moto Mart, you yell "SISSY"! 

Do you think she lives at the Moto Mart or do you just associate her with that place?

You have a million different smiles. 

Each one still melts me. 

I don't know what I did right in my life 

that I get to be your Mama.

But I am so insanely grateful.

You drive me crazy. 

You push my patience and my limits. 

Especially now, when things are kind of tough for me and your Daddy.

But I think that's what we need. 

We need to stop dealing with our problems and get down on the floor with you

and vroom vroom crash crash the ten million Hot Wheels you have. 

We need to stop feeling unabundant and hold you close.

Because you give the best, most powerfully healing hugs.

We need to say

"No, baby. I've gotta work."

less.

And say

"Let's go for ice cream!"

more. 

My baby, you are exactly what we need.

Specifically designed for me and your Daddy.

I am in awe of you.

You are stubborn and beautiful and inquisitive and creative and nurturing 

and resilient and crazy and imaginative and well mannered and loving.

I will always love you.

I will always make you cupcakes.

I will always be willingly late to anywhere because you forgot 

ten minutes worth of hugs and kisses bye bye.

I will always push you.

When I do, I will always be right behind to catch you.

I will always cheer you on.

I will always do silly dances for you.

I will always let you give me neck farts.

I will always be here for you.

Always.

Love,

Mommy

 

 

Moments

I've been debating on whether or not to write this post

and after much thought I decided I needed to. 

This might be TMI for some of you so feel free

to skip past his post if you feel like it.

My last visit with my doctor was the best one so far. 

I've slowed down to visiting once a month and at my last visit I finally got the news

 I'd been waiting for.

We could start trying for a baby!!

All of my hard work was paying off and my body was finally healthy enough to sustain a life!

Needless to say, I ran right home into the arms of my husband

and we did a happy dance together.

Literally. A dance. Get your mind out of the gutter. 
Right after we got the good news from my doctor, Griffin randomly 
started to put "babies" on everything. 
What's that little X there, Griffin?
Oh! That's a baby.
What's that little moon there, Griffin?
Oh! That's a baby. 
We were dying. 
He had no idea that we were going to try for a baby.  

BUT.
We weren't too hopeful for anything to come about right away. 

After all, Griffin took almost four years to conceive. 

So, life went on. 

Several weeks later I received a package in the mail from my Bestie. 

One of the very few people who knew we were trying, she sent me a box FULL  of tests!

 I was psyched. 

I tore into the package and made a beeline for the bathroom.

Whataya know!

Four years to conceive Griffin.

About four days for this little peanut. 

I yelled for Matt to come upstairs and showed him the test. 

We did another happy dance. 

And life went on. 

New life.

A trip to my OB was made. 

A first ultrasound was scheduled. 

Goal planning was happening at home.

On July 7th, after I got home from a photo shoot, Matt and I began to deep clean the house. 

He left to go on a Target run.

I took it easy most of the day, per doctor's orders. 

I started spotting the day before. Nothing alarming. Normal. Just take it easy.

After awhile I did get tired, so I sat down and took this Instagram photo with the caption

"That moment when you need a break from really working hard at organizing/purging your house and you just sit and stare. Feeling tired but satisfied and productive. That moment."

I will always remember that moment. I was giddy with the new life growing inside of me and 

it was killing me not being able to tell anyone. 

I felt happy, peaceful, hopeful...

then crampy.

I sent Matt the following text:

"Bleeding again. Heavier this time. Stopping all work to lay down."

Matt came home and I started feeling better.

Then I got up to go to the bathroom. 

I sat down.

And I lost my baby. 

I screamed for Matt to come upstairs and showed him.

He held me tight while I screamed into his chest. 

In the blink of an eye. 

A life will never be lived. 

I will always remember THAT moment. 

That feeling that the life that was inside of me mere moments earlier was now in the...

Oh GOD. 

And for nine days thereafter I had a physical reminder of the ripping pain in my heart. 

A nine day full-on cramping, bloated, heavy period. 

I wanted to forget. 

I wanted to move on.

But the reminder was there. 

As a salve to my wounds, a few amazing things happened in that time.

I got to spend some days-on-end time with Griffin. 

The deep feeler that he is, he knew something was making me sad.

No bubble-blowing, mattress-jumping, dance party could mask it from him.

And he fiercely protected my wounded heart with snuggles,

proclamations of love,

squeezy hugs, 

kisses,

good manners,

and silliness. 

He also turned four. His birthday was a turning point for me.

The physical reminder was still there but there was no sadness that day.

Not for one moment. 

Yesterday marked the end of the physical healing.

I woke up feeling like I lost ten pounds!

I woke up smiling.

Then I had an awful day at work.

Terrible.

But last night I had a date with our new heavybag.

I put my earbuds in, blasted the music needed, and punched and kicked

until I was smiling again.

I will always remember THAT moment. 

Triumph.

Power.

Happiness.

Hope.

Little moments. 

Little life beginning,

life ending, 

life changing

moments.

All these moments are mine.

To rejoice.

To grieve.

To learn and grown from.

What have I learned? I've learned that it's not my fault.

I've learned to see the good amidst the pain.

I've learned that life goes on. This little life of ours goes on.

It is a good life.

Four

 Griffin turned 4 on Thursday. It was a fantastic day. 

As is his tradition, he got to eat his birthday cake for breakfast. 

He opened his gifts and mid gift-opening, he declared it the best birthday ever. 

Then he gave out hugs. 

Big neck squeezers. 

It was such a great moment for me. 

In these times of financial strife and uncertainty, Griffin was so crazy happy with what he was given.

I do not deserve him.

 We went to Sky Zone. It's an indoor, wall-to-wall trampoline gym. 

Griffin has a quiet leader personality. He observes, stays on the outskirts of chaos,

 and when he opens his mouth, kids listen to him.

He is tentative on his own, normally. 

But as soon as he stepped foot on the trampolines, his seldom shown fearlessness came out.

He did flips and rolls and "HEY! WATCH WHAT I CAN DO!" 

He jumped passed the big kids and adults, never being afraid of getting hit. 

He just knew where to go.

Proud Mama here.

 He asked for an ice cream cone cupcake birthday cake. 

This was the outcome!

He loved it.

Later my mother took us to Chuck E Cheese. 

It's not my favorite. 

But I have to admit that this particular Chuck E Cheese location did an overhaul.

It wasn't as crowded, they expanded the inside, the games were more for Griffin's age, 

and the food was pretty good. 

Griffin had a blast. 

He roamed free, dragging his Nana wherever he went. She bought a seemingly endless supply of tokens and when it was time to leave, there weren't any tantrums. 

It was a good good day.

Quiet, low key. 

Just us. 

Griffin was grateful for everything. 

And I am grateful for that.