Dear Griffin

Dear Griffin,

You are four now. 

A big boy.

I find myself saying,

far too often,

"You can do this on your own. You are four now."

when you request something.

Like I've been waiting and waiting for you to be this person.

And suddenly expect you to know that you are this person now.

I need to work on that.

You have always had a playful yet old soul.

You are still a deep feeler. 

You know when I am sad or sick and you are quick to protect and comfort me.

I love you for that. 

When times like that happen, I see who you will be to your future partner. 

And it makes me so proud.

You like to act like a baby sometimes but when the chips are down, 

you man up big time. 

You are in full LEGO mode now. 

You will gravitate towards anything LEGO.
Toys, books, movies, kits, clothes. Anything.

And Hot Wheels.

Oh the Hot Wheels. 

You still sleep with your Mr. Frog but no longer need him to go with you to 

Miss Colleen's house. 

You tell the very best stories. 

While you are telling a story, you look around the room and start to incorporate 

anything you see into your story.
I can imagine you being an amazing story teller to your children one day.

You are eating so well these days! 

Your favorite food is still pizza but you will eat fruit and milk and other foods I ask you to try

as long as there is a treat to follow.

I love taking you places now.

You listen to me and Daddy so well.

You stay by our side and happily tell us stories about when you were a baby.

You never EVER throw tantrums in public.

Big high five for that one, bud.

You love cutting paper and mixing colors. 

You are always asking us how to spell words these days.

You still love to blow bubbles and chase after them.

You have become so awesome at riding your bike!

We ride to the playground several times a week.

Although the 5 minute trip there usually takes 30 since you get sidetracked telling us 

stories and you have to screech your bike to a halt on the good parts of your stories.

 Your curls have been cut off for awhile now.

I miss those curls but you don't have baby hair anymore.

Your hair is course and wiry, like your PaPa's hair.

You are a bit addicted to your Gameboy.

Watching you play things like that at such a young age....

figuring it out all on your own...

(because God forbid anyone help you, you stubborn little rascal, you)

astounds me.

Every morning you wake up and ask if you can stay at home with me.

It breaks my heart to tell you no most days.

But the days that we get to spend together are so awesome.

You love to help me bake and I get an awesome test of patience on my end. 

You don't laugh at yourself too often when you make a mistake.
You get embarrassed, like me.

I hope to break you of that habit.

My favorite time of the day is right after your bath at night.

You smell so clean and sweet.

Daddy and I wrap you up in your towel like a burrito and hold you.

You love for me to read you books and for Daddy to tell you Noccio stories. 

You ask if you can see Sissy and Nana every single day.

Every time we pass a Moto Mart, you yell "SISSY"! 

Do you think she lives at the Moto Mart or do you just associate her with that place?

You have a million different smiles. 

Each one still melts me. 

I don't know what I did right in my life 

that I get to be your Mama.

But I am so insanely grateful.

You drive me crazy. 

You push my patience and my limits. 

Especially now, when things are kind of tough for me and your Daddy.

But I think that's what we need. 

We need to stop dealing with our problems and get down on the floor with you

and vroom vroom crash crash the ten million Hot Wheels you have. 

We need to stop feeling unabundant and hold you close.

Because you give the best, most powerfully healing hugs.

We need to say

"No, baby. I've gotta work."

less.

And say

"Let's go for ice cream!"

more. 

My baby, you are exactly what we need.

Specifically designed for me and your Daddy.

I am in awe of you.

You are stubborn and beautiful and inquisitive and creative and nurturing 

and resilient and crazy and imaginative and well mannered and loving.

I will always love you.

I will always make you cupcakes.

I will always be willingly late to anywhere because you forgot 

ten minutes worth of hugs and kisses bye bye.

I will always push you.

When I do, I will always be right behind to catch you.

I will always cheer you on.

I will always do silly dances for you.

I will always let you give me neck farts.

I will always be here for you.

Always.

Love,

Mommy